A modern farce - set in a health retreat.
The Rest Easy Retreat promises calm but delivers chaos.
With a crucial inspection looming, manager Marjorie battles malfunctioning A.I. assistant AURA, a nervous guest, an old soldier who still thinks he’s in the barracks, and a handyman who breaks everything he touches.
Her sarcastic receptionist Sandra tells it how it is, Trevor, her overworked second-in-command panics at everything, confused local Bert keeps wandering in looking for the post office (and occasionally his goat),
and new wellness practitioner Colette is accidentally knocked unconscious.
The inspector arrives at the worst possible moment - as lies pile up and equipment explodes; the staff scramble to keep the retreat from collapsing completely.
Character List
6m/5f
MARJORIE TICKLEWELL
Owner/manager of the Rest Easy Retreat. Caring, determined, long-suffering, and constantly one meltdown away from screaming into a cushion. Tries desperately to keep the retreat afloat while everything explodes around her.
SANDRA PIKE
Recently divorced - with razor-sharp sarcasm and a wandering eye for any available man. Provides a running commentary on the madness around her and says what everyone else is thinking - loudly.
VIOLET TREMBLE
A nervous, neurotic guest whose anxiety could power a small town. Terrified of everything (including wellness), frequently screams, panics, or hides.
COLETTE BLISS
A whimsical, hippy wellness practitioner. Drifts through life in a calm haze of herbal tea and positivity. Immediately knocked unconscious by Gavin’s “repair work” and spends the rest of the show dazed and confused.
AURA
(Voice Only- Female. Can be pre-recorded or performed live)
The retreat’s malfunctioning AI system. Speaks in soothing tones that glitch into insults, warnings, or accidental despair. Adds commentary, chaos, and unhelpful advice throughout.
TREVOR MUDDLECOMBE
Marjorie's second in command. A sweet, anxious man-child who lives in permanent panic. Still lives with his mum, has never quite mastered adulthood, and is terrified of responsibility. Accidentally makes everything worse.
ROLAND CRISP
A self-appointed supervisor who treats the spa like a military base. Speaks in barking orders and dramatic salutes. Creates more chaos than he prevents, but always with absolute confidence.
GAVIN BODGE
The handyman. Cheerfully incompetent, speaks in spoonerisms and misquoted proverbs, and can break anything simply by looking at it. His repairs often explode. Chaos follows him.
INSPECTOR PROWSE
A stern, officious accreditation inspector from the Wellbeing Standards Board. Arrives expecting order and instead finds explosions, goats, and despair. Slowly loses his sanity over the course of the play.
BERT
A local yokel who keeps wandering in. Confused, muddy, and convinced the spa is a post office.
THE DELIVERY MAN / WOMAN
(Small/Walk-on role)*
Immediately mistaken for the inspector whilst delivering a package. Confused, terrified, and tries to escape the retreat as quickly as possible.
*could be played by a woman with minor changes
Script Sample
AURA: WELCOME TO THE REST EASY RET RET RET - ERROR. PLEASE DISREGARD ALL PREVIOUS GREETINGS.
MARJORIE: Oh lord. Not already.
TREVOR: (Gesturing to AURA speaker on the wall) She’s just warming up. Like my mum’s old Ford Fiesta on a frosty morning. Or like the kettle.
MARJORIE: And like the kettle, you both whistle when under pressure.
(SANDRA enters FW with a dramatic sigh, wearing sunglasses indoors and carrying a coffee larger than her head)
SANDRA: Morning, team. (Holds up coffee) Triple shot. Since the divorce, this is the only way to get something warm inside me on a cold morning.
MARJORIE: (Blushing) Sandra, please! And don’t start with the divorce stuff this early. It’s inspection day.
SANDRA: Exactly why I need caffeine and emotional support. (To TREVOR) Morning, Trev. You look… charged.
TREVOR: (Surprised) Do I?
SANDRA: Yes. Like a toaster that’s thinking about exploding.
MARJORIE: Sandra!
SANDRA: What? I meant it in a complimentary way. (Sits, removes sunglasses) So what’s broken now?
MARJORIE: Everything. The AI system is glitching. Half the lights don’t work. The spa pool is bubbling on its own and no one turned it on. Roland is terrorising the gnomes in the garden. And Trevor...
SANDRA: Let me guess. (She studies Trevor’s tangle of wires) He tried to fix something?
TREVOR: Oi! I am fixing something. (Pulls out a random plug triumphantly) This one doesn’t even go anywhere.
MARJORIE: That’s the defibrillator.
TREVOR: …Oh.
AURA: HEALTH ALERT - HEART SUPPORT DEVICE…OFFLINE. PLEASE AVOID DYING AT THIS TIME.
SANDRA: (Deadpan) Well, that’s inconvenient.
Script Copies
A full version of the script is available to read here:
For a downloadable PDF copy - please contact me here:
info@badgerplays.co.uk
Please note - these copies are for reading only. Upon purchasing a performance license for Mindful Mayhem, you will receive the option to use printable 'Rehearsal Copies' or purchase printed copies.
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